Zack bokashi

[sentinel]

Name: Zack bokashi

Age: 16

Race:Human

Gender:Male

Appearance: He has dark blueish purple eyes. A blue shirt and black jeans. Zack is also so
pale that you'd think he's a vampire at first glance. He also has a sword sheath on his back. His hair is long and blonde and unkempt. He also has a necklace same as Jack but blue.

Personality: Zack is a nice guy most the time but he shares the same type of temper as Jack meaning he would fight any one stronger to save a friend. Zack is the person to go to if your in trouble. He was once a sad person from his family dying when he was young, but being friends with Jack really helped him become a good person.

Alignment: neutral good

Weapon of Choice: Short swords

Magic:none

Hobbies: thinking of battle strategies, walking around town.

History: Zack lost his mom and dad at young age and doesn't remember them. Zack began taking care of himself when he turned five, at the funeral for his grandma, the last bit of family that he knew of, he ran into the woods crying. During this time Zack trained to be a fighter using what he found in chest and any thing he found on the forest floor.

When Zack returned about a year later, the people of town were searching frantically for a kid about his age named Jack, Zack had seen a kid wondering the forest with a stick but had thought nothing of it then. Zack walked into the nearest shop to ask if he could help look for the kid, the shop owner gave Zack a short sword and told him to go out into the forest with the search party the next morning.

Zack woke up the next morning outside the item shop, and went out to where the search party is. They all walked with Zack running ahead of them every now and then to look, on one of these he spotted a boy and called back to the rest of the party to see if it was him, it turned out it was, later on Zack and Jack became friends.

Recently Jack has gone on an adventure while Zack stayed behind to protect Iselia from the monsters that are beginning to surround the town, this will send Zack on his own adventure though around the world.

[Kudzu Aura]

Okay. A few things.

1. Check your spelling, alright? Maybe after typing it up, you can copy/paste it in Microsoft Word, or another writing program with spell check, or use the handy spell check button between the Preview and Reset Buttons.

2.Expand on appearance a bit. Does he have any hair? Any scars, or anything else that would be easily identifiable for him.

3. The fact that he can kill someone easily when he's angry doesn't sit right with me, since it sounds a bit like a power play move since you've stated in his history that he has amnesia. Not to mention not wanting to help people who can't defend themselves doesn't really fit the "Nice" part of his personality. He seems more like a jerk who only wants to be on the winning side and would rather let his friends handle their own problems.

4. The towns the Ossa Trail goes between is Triet in the desert, and Izoold, the fishing village.

5. Though there are swords with elemental attributes in the games, they can't cast any spells... to my knowledge at least, so as far as I know, spell swords aren't possible in the Tales of Symphonia universe, it is in the 2 Tales of Destiny games, but I think that took place on a different world. You can if you want, give him a different weapon as that is allowable.

6. The none for now in Magic is also bothering me. Since elves, half elves, monsters, and possibly humans that had half elven ancestors can use magic, the only plausible way I can see that he can use magic later on is if he had a magic user as an ancestor, had a cruxis crystal, which I'm sure there are only three or four left, and they are on canon characters, or made a deal with a demon from the Ginungagap or had access to a centurion core. And since that last one isn't possible without pissing off the summon spirit Ratatosk, You may have to either explain that one, or not have him use magic at all.

7. That last sentence in his history kind of makes me think he was walking around naked, not to mention that though it meets the minimum requirements, it's a bit too vague. So you may have to expand on History as well.

8. The number of sentences mentioned on the character template is only the minimum, you can go beyond that if you feel you have too. Also, you can if you wish, use a normal last name for your character, or look up translations of words in Babel Fish to use as a last name. You don't have to type random letters for a foreign sounding last name, this one is just a tip to keep in mind for your next character.

Anyway, work on the first 7 things, and then I will look it over again, alright?

[sentinel]

Revised and edited, Aura.

[Kudzu Aura]

Okay, glad you fixed it, but well, it still seems a bit bad.

People in the ToS Games won't look at others with weapons as trouble makers, due to the monsters running around, so if someone has a weapon on them, it is out of self preservation instead of having to cause trouble. I also doubt the town watch is THAT bad to just throw a person for things they claim they didn't do without some form of evidence.

On the weapon, "Any type of sword" sounds a bit god moddy to me. I suggest looking up different sword types and picking one type of sword you think would work with the character.

As for the personality thing, which is again trouble, Someone who is nice but troubled after being thrown in jail for reasons he doesn't know would probably be a bit messed up, and not cheerful, and the fact that he had many friends, and yet was viewed as a trouble maker is a bit contradictory. You need to expand on the personality, and possibly add reasons for why or examples of how he acts as well.

Again, history is too vague. Maybe add some background about Zack's childhood and maybe mention his family. Also, appearance is thin as well. Yes, I'm glad you added hair, but the way you have it written as a whole, well, it looks like sentence fragments.

Also, please put copy/paste in word or a program that has a spelling and grammar check in it, because I can see quite a few of them.

Sorry, but I can't accept this yet.

[sentinel]

Revised a little bit, but still working on it.

[Kudzu Aura]

Okay, like the revisions so far, but, you still need to work on expanding Personality.

[sentinel]

I think I'm going to have to modify this more but I'd say it's done for now.

[Kudzu Aura]

alright. Despite the fact you'll need to add to the history and put up the most recent events, I'll just say it's accepted.

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Sorry, don't feel like doing the stamp right now...